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the dance of motherhood.




I can’t wait to come home to you from work.

I miss you and am watching your videos in my office.

I am sad that I didn’t see you this morning as you were still sleeping.

I can’t wait to go back to work, how do stay at home mom’s do it?

Is Spring Break over yet?


These are just a few of my thoughts and feelings over the past month. I was yearning for more time with my children and when it was received for 2 weeks of Spring Break, I was ready to go back to work. Parenting is hard and I have been trying to figure out a balance of feeling connected and attached to my children as much as I can as well as feeling fulfilled outside my motherly role. I haven’t cracked the code. I don’t think there is a perfect balance as some days are amazing full of laughter and inquisition while others, I am looking at the clock wondering when it will be bedtime.


There are invisible parts of parenting, ones that aren’t talked about enough or at least not acknowledged of how much impact those parts can have. Parents end up feeling guilty for having feelings of wanting freedom. We sometimes romanticize what it is like to raise children and overlook the mindless tasks we are faced with. The constant laundry loads, picking up food off the floor, breaking up the daily quarrels, the endless chores, are a few of my most frustrating woe’s.


I love my children. I love my family. But I also love me. I love me enough to know that in order to be connected and attached to my family, having space and separation is key. Having time to reflect and feel that I can’t wait to see their faces at the end of the day reminds me of what’s really important all over again.

 

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Living and working with gratitude on the traditional unceded territory of the Coast Salish Peoples, including the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and Səl̓ílwətaʔ/Selilwitulh (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations.

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